just in no where

What’s wrong with me? With my brain? With my heart? Why I'm so crazy about him, although I know he don’t give a shit about me? He wants her as much as I wanted him, why I let my self-go this far? To dream, I'm nothing to him, nothing to feel, nothing to compare between her and me in his heart, she’s the love of his life, and I'm a time waster to him! Nothing I can call it fair, nothing fair in my life, from all sides!! Am I a drama queen? Do I really live in hell and I'm just accepting it!! Sometimes I just think there is no god!! This is allot!! Why didn’t I porn in a beloved family, with a beloved husband I marry him with 19 years old!! And my biggest problem is what to cock for my husband on dinner? Why do I just care too much about someone who nearly care about me as much as if his dinner available or not yet!! Why the hell I LOVE someone to death and im ready to give him any thing and he is ready to do all that for someone else, why it's the second time that I can love a person this much! And he is not mine? Why? I know there are no answers! I know that nothing will change, and that I will not feel the same again for someone else, I know that the pain will tear me apart! I know that my fairy tale will never happen! Neither with Hassan or Saif! I know im cursed and im pretty sure that they are not, I will just keep living and fighting, every hit make me stronger, every pain will make me weaker, but much stronger later, the thing im not sure!! Am I getting stronger!! Im much weaker than I was before !1 with no faith to any thing because nothing apparently good happened to me! Nothing stand up for me? Im starting to mix out between good and evil? Im I right? im a wrong? What makes a right and wrong? Our choices may be different! But does the right and wrong method work?