JoOoRyAh: 09/2010

9/30/2010

9/29/2010

a decision I havent take have been decide , it's good that someone in your life can sometimes take a decision for you when you cant , I never thought that I will reach that point ever . I just needed someone to grap my hand & take me , to any where , any place , any thing , was it wrong or right , I was just so disparate that I dont know what to do , even if I knew I couldnt do it . cant think or do any thing , lost doesn't even describe the feeling . when she clicked that delete button it was like a whole in my heart , I knew it's like she threw my soul away , but not as the same feeling when reem killed it , not the same pain or feeling , that was like burning me alive & this was like a conclusion to my heart . Sour in my soul will remain , life doesn't work the way I want & I have to accept this . I hate the way he changes my thinking , the way that I can love him , the way that I want him & every thing related to him , the way that with a word from him I can leave the world for him & with another word I can feel that every thing is falling around me , the way that my heart makes him so important , that part of the independent woman in me is jealous from him , that as much as I work on my self and stand for my self , when he entries my all melt in him like a spoon of sugar in the tea "sm o 3sl" sugar alone is too sweat & tea cant be drink alone but together we can be addicted to . what is the mint to that cup of tea?
I want to believe him as much as I want to hug him , but that part of me keep warning me not to fall in he same trap , It's crazy to go back to him betrayed arms , and 1% says this all have meant to be .
What am I feeling ? I don't know , I cant think right , I know If I saw him every thing will be clear , with a one hug I can know whats in his heart , & I can understand his eyes fully , like that first date we had alone, he was really in love with me , no one in his mind except me , the second one , he was missing his x & angry at her . I donno what to do , or what

9/27/2010

I want someone who tells me a good night story

9/24/2010

I wanna cry

I just wanna crrrrrrrry till I drop

9/22/2010

I dont get it

I dont et why ppl would like to screw up someone who cares about them life , revenge looks like the main reason . each time when I think that I sorted thing out , I found out something I have never expected it coming . how can someone act so cool with u & in the same moment do the opposite , the ability of how ppl can lie & cheat I didn't relies it untill today . it's like '3r8t in a very deep see & I couldn't watch or see or understand any thing . I just got why I had all these nightmares about him , cuz what I knew wasnt the truth , part of it was made up just to make me miserable & when she knew I'm over it she pushed my memories with him
I think no night mares in my sleeping today , cuz the truth appeared , but still I can believe how someone can be two faces this much I plan this good for ruining someone life .
I guess now that what was all about yesterday & that why today I got this nervous & replayed the msgs , that way I tolled him go to hell & so on although I dont usually do it unless I'm so angry , just to know the truth somehow , looks like in the end allah ma yr'6a 3la 3bdah y3esh mhmom or 7d ya5thah b'6lm , I felt so bad when I know someone tolled him so cuz I didnt speak about him , I used to tell bushra take a gd care of him & god knows what did she told him !! glad that every thing is clear , sad that I do trust ppl who dont deserve my trust , I lose others who I let them down sometimes , I take it easy on my heart , but my 7rara goes up & I feel the sickness in my heart spread to the rest of my body . I dont really know what to do any more , but I do know that I'm keeping my self away than ppl cuz I just cant take it any more , gd night

my heart is killing me

It's like my heart suddenly came back to life , demanding !! when my heart have needs every thing else in my life freez !! I cant believe I did what I did ams , what is happening to me ! I wish it's something will go away with week or so , and I wish this headache with the flu I'm having will keep me away from crazy stuff my heart would make me do it .

9/21/2010

the best birthday ever

its the best birthday I ever had , loved every thing in it expect that sara wasnt around , from the midnight phone calls and msgs & BCs , untill this moment our door is ringing !! the whole house is full of flowers !! it's like im geting married or something , from the morning when I went to work !! how the ballons were every where , then the gifts were on my desk !! then calls from reception says that I have recived one more gift !! how my boss with out feeling huged me & kissed me on cheeecks !!! it waaas so funny <3 I felt so shy as I have never been , then going to college , every one just hugeeeed meeee ll2baaaaaad , even my female teachers !! it was amaaaazing , every one kept singing for me happy birthday !! even my friend that i dont talk to any more celebrate me !! & yeeeeeeeeeees saaaaaaaaif & hajes made me a surprise paaarty !!! I have never ever expected that coming !! to see saif again or hajes ! to tlk to them or to feel that again I still have brothers , saif wasnt as he used to be with me but I wouldnt feel it's my bd unliss he was there , & he did , malek made my day !! I have recived flowers from dxb but I dont know from whome !! gifts gifts gifts like I have never have , mam went crazy !! shes like r u geting married !! I never thought this would happen ! I expected nothing at all ! & in return I had the best birthday I could ever have , and im sure it will remain for couple more years , I loooooooved this , every single thing , even that saif didnt give me that eye contact but I know he didnt cuz he is still hurt ! something I didnt relize untill today , that there is alllllllot ppl in my life that they really love me & care about me , evern ppl I didnt know about & they really want me to love happy , today I have reached my 21 & reached to something I have never feelt it befor , who loves me will never ever make me be out of her/his life , mistakies do happen & I do mistakies , but I dont repat the same one twice , I'm human & I learned from my mistakies , ppl arent in my life any more dont desrve me , recently someone told me " noora ur too good to be in a relationship" & I saif ya I know loool . who cares about a relationship when I have this amount of ppl who adooooores meeeee !! when my yongest cuzn with 4 years old brought to me the twilight saga series novels I couldnt stop crying !! he is 4 yrs old & knows that I love edward & cared to bring it to me !! "although I already have them & read them" I felt im the happiest person on the earth , allah 3wa'6ni today waayed !1 brought to me happines I havent feelt it for at least 5 or 6 years , even though the day that I born in to is gone , but ppl still celebrating me <3 I adore my life & the ppl in it & al7umdella for every thing in my life & what I have !! maybe god 7rmni from something I wanted but he gave something else is much more important & I havent feel it untill today , al7umdella for this bliss in my life , al7umdella for being this much happy , al7umdella , allah yr7mch ya ydooh o allah yrdech b alsalama ya sara <3

9/20/2010

Happy birthday Noora

Happy birthday to me

9/19/2010

pain

my tummy hurts I cant sleep ;'(

9/18/2010

....

أني أرى روؤسا قد أينعت وحان قطافها

I'm turning to be like him

since yesterday till today , every one know about me & him keep saying that I became just like him , it was a shock when Reem said , noora sorry but ur just like ur x , then bshor screamed it mw saying , noora stop it ur acting just like him , talking just like him , then I reviewed what I have said , and it's like him talking

birthday gift

today in a shock I have recived my first birthday gift !! & from who !! Saif , the most guy stand up to me & with me & I let him down . he is one of the most best men on the earth , with in an argument I had with my biggest cuzn about how carless I'm about him & not called back since I told him I want him to be out of my life , untill this moment , then while she was dropping me to home , she pull up a bag and hand it to me , saying that this is from saif , the one who really loved u & stood up for u every time u snap , the one that care enough to count the days of ur birthday and leave his work & come to me to give u this , the one who u were screaming for the last 5 mins to stay away from ur life . I was like bullets from a gun , a slap on the face and yet , I cant cry , or any thing , just feel the cold blood runs in my venuis . I remembered how close we used to be , how adorable he was , how much I wished he was my real brother from my mam & dad ! and how much when I mad that call I was angry , if the time goes back I wish I would have told him the truth , & how sad & hurt I was , not that I don't want him in my life any more , I trust him on my life more than my own brother , I miss u saif my bro , I miss u like hell , I miss u when u call me "alnooon" I miss every thing , I swear to god I will never forgive my self for this , & that person who was the cause , not untill saif forgive me <3 احبك يا أغلى أخ

9/17/2010

مَا ( مَـًتْْ ) مَن فَرْقَآكْ لَكّنْ ..!

مَا ( مَـًتْْ ) مَن فَرْقَآكْ لَكّنْ ..!

:(تَـًألّـًمْـًتْْ :(
وَ شَيبّتْ بَيْ يَآصَآحْبٌيْ! قَبْل " آشَيّبْ " :(
آضْحَكْ ، وَ آسَوُلَفْ،وَ آنْ لَحقْنَي " سَهٌـًرْْ "

..نَـًمْـًتٌ ..
« لآكَـًـًنْْ قَسّـًمْ بَآلْلّـًهْْ مَآنَي بَطٌيّـًبْْ »

9/16/2010

a trip to alain

today I went to Alain , me & shwei5 , it's the most place I love on earth although all the ppl who truly hurts me lives there , I had this thought when I was in mubzara alone , watching the grass & the sands , I want to die here & barred here , I loved being there ! I missed it . yes it hurts so much to go there again & breath the same air , but I challenged my self I as usual I won , funny how I can challenge my self when a part lose & other wins , it's very spiritual place that I can go to collect my self & come back , makes me stronger & some times weaker but for sure I always loved it with all the pains & memories , I know one day I will be there enough to forget all the memories and the feelings that I share it with the places there , should I blame my self for being that person or should I be happy for moving on . regardless the tears & how lonely I felt , I loved it

cant sleep

the thoughts I have , the dreams , The nightmares !! wish they would stop , wish they dont com any more , tired of viewing the same nightmare everyday ! breaks my heart that my mind still thinking and over realizing this ! I just hate it ! my heart starting to review the feelings I had , I want to lose it even if the only way is to lose my self & go wrong cuz im willing to do it , I just want to it out of me , stop being in to me

9/14/2010

will I ?

9/13/2010

I'm more than just an option

9/11/2010

The One & Only Love I had

To Hassan HN

تدري وش يقهر غيابگ . . ؟

تدري وش يقهر غيابگ . . ؟
[ قلب ] في الغيبَه سهّر !
گل خلق اللّہ إذگروُني
وَ إنت . .
مآ عندگ خبر !

يعني ما هزِّگ ( جديدي ) ؟
ودِّي أسمع رَد / مُقنع :
وينگ بـ عيد الفطر ؟

گيف من غيرگ أعايد ؟
ي اللي " متهنّي " بـ عيدگ . .
عطني الحل المُحايد
فيدني . . .
اللَّہ يفيدگ !

لآ حيآتي /
هي حيآتي . .
و الصبر ؟
وين الصبر !

عيد . .
وإنت بعيد عنِّي ؟
بذمتگ هذآ إسمه ( عيد ) !
گل من جآني يهنِّي
قلت :
دونگ مو سعيد . . !

بس . . . .
تذگرّني بـ غيابگ . .
والفَرَح يملي ثيابگ :
عيدگ مبارگ حبيبي
وعيدي من غيرگ . .
قهر

9/08/2010

doesn't work for all !

يقول شكسبير : لٱ تگسر أبداً گلّ ﺂلجسور مع من تُحب ؛فربمآ شآءت ﺂلأقدآر لگمآ يوماً لقآءاً آخر ؛يُعيد مآ مضى ، ويُوصل مآ أنقطع ؛فإذآ گآن ﺂلعمر ﺂلجميل قد رحل ؛فمن يدري ؟فربمآ ينتظرگ عمر أجمل ،وإذآ قررت أن تترگ حبيباً أو صديقاً ،فلآ تترگ له جرحاً ، فمن أعطآنآ قلباً ؛لٱ يستحق منّا أن نغرس فيه سہماً

كُل عَآم وأنآ

•

كُل عآمْ وأنآ فآرغ مِنك ،

كُل عَآم وأنآ مُشبعْ بِ آلسَعآدة دُونكْ

كُل عَآم وأنآ أترآقصُ فرَحاً

كُل عآمْ وأنآ انآم بلآ مُقدمَآت أرقيهْ

أكُل وأشرَب بِلآ غصّة تَمنع مُرورهمْ

كُل عَآم وأنآ بِلا آبتسآمآتْ

بلهآء ودُموع حَآئرهْ

كُل عَآمْ وأنآ لآ شَيء يشغلُني

سِوآ " أهليْ وَ مُستقبليْ "

كُل عَآم وأنآ أتحَدثُ مَعهم

بِ طَلآقة ولآ اخْشى سُقوط اسمكْ

سَهواً بِ حَديثيْ

كُل عَآم وأنآ لآ أبكيْ شَوقاً

كُل عَآم وأنآ لا أتمَنآك أبداً

كُل عآم وأنآ أضْحك بِ لآ تصنّع

كُل عَآم وأنآ أتنَفس هوآء طَبيعي ،

غيرْ مُلوث بكْ

كُل عَآم وأنتْ كَ غيرُك

( لآ تُحرك بي سَآكناً )

كُل عآم وَ ( عِيدي مُبآرك )

!!لأنكْ خآرج حَياتي بِ أكملهآ

9/07/2010

A lost angel?

Some times , you just wish that life go back , for a few days , weeks , months or years !! Some times you just wish you haven’t say that word / sentence or you haven’t done that action that you did in Ur last 5 mins.

how strange the mind can change and we our self can be opposite our self’s after few minutes ! Now it doesn’t make a difference, but it make us aware how important to think a thousand times before any action we take! & Think of it from all sides! I really regret what I have done to some ppl! I wish I wasn’t that emotional! & That I can control my self more! I found that I’m cold to curtain ppl ! But sure I'm much more colder than a month ago, like ice in my blood! I miss the motivation in my life, I miss what was making my laugh so hard and think allot! I know I'm on the right track but it's not the track that I wont it! True that sometimes human choose what isn't right for him just because they want it! Allot of people who knows me says that I'm an angel! Almost every one , even people that I hurt still say the same & I think why then I suffer this much ! Anger & pain where to release them ! I have no exit except here, writing makes me get it out of my chest ! also Ali & shei5a have a big reflect on my life ! I wouldn't survive without them , I would have collapsed & never be me again ! Thanks god for letting them in my life . Thank you god

9/06/2010

Friends

strange how my mind & heart can be empty ! it's like I'm not that passion person any more ! I know I'm very emotional from all ways , but I lost that one way ! the one way that I was very passion in it , that makes me think with both my heart & mind . I have no intrest in that way any more ! no one got my attention ! yet ?? lool

I'm happy al7umdeila , I have the most two adorable friends in my life ! the best I ever had . Love them both & wont lose them for any one , Ali & Shikha , I can tell both of them any thing in my heart & they really make me feel happy .