sunny cold morning

Its first Friday of Ramadan, very sunny although I’m really cold! Sara going to US alone is killing me, although I didn't cry a tear. Just hoping for the best! College is coming, hopefully every thing go smoothly with the work. I hate the new location & every thing in it. I feel like quitting allot, the thing that I don’t allow my self to quit from things, even if I don’t like it, its that thing that my grandma raise in me, to go & go & go, sometimes its really good, push me forward when nothing left to go forward, sometimes it really makes me miserable because I'm going for something I don’t want it. May she rest in peace, I love her so much, and she’s the reason of what kind of person I'm today. In my deep down, I know I let her down in allot of stuff, I know she miss me & want me to visit, but I'm really afraid, after I saw & felt death I don’t wana go there, it toke me months until I could sleep with out thinking about death, it have became an obsession in my mind, its really strong when it get into you. From always wishing to die I became very afraid of dying, although when I face it I fought with all I had, this time I think I will surrender, nothing left to fight for. So Lonely with out you...